The College Freshman's Don't Book in the interests of freshmen at large, especially those whose remaining at large uninstructed & unguided appears a worry and a menace to college & university society these remarks and hints are set forth by G. F. E. (A. B.) a sympathizer by Evans, George Fullerton

[Illustration: HELPFUL DONTS]

[Transcriber's Notes: The original text had some words superscripted on this page. Those words have been surrounded by {curly braces} to signify this.]

T{HE} COLLEGE FRESHMAN'S DON'T BOOK

{IN THE} INTERESTS {OF} FRESHMEN {AT} LARGE ESPECIALLY THOSE WHOSE REMAINING {AT} LARGE UNINSTRUCTED {&} UNGUIDED APPEARS A WORRY {AND} A MENACE {TO} COLLEGE {&} UNIVERSITY SOCIETY THESE REMARKS {AND} HINTS ARE SET FORTH BY G. F. E. (A. B.) A SYMPATHIZER

THE ILLUSTRATIONS BY CHARLES FRANK INGERSON THE DECORATIONS & INITIALS BY RAYMOND CARTER

[Illustration]

PAUL ELDER {AND} COMPANY PUBLISHERS ::: SAN FRANCISCO

TO H. H. C. TOGETHER WE WERE SMALL FROGS IN THAT GREAT ACADEMIC PUDDLE THE OLDEST IN OUR LAND AND IN MEMORY OF THE POLLIWOG STAGE I DEDICATE TO YOU THIS PLUNGE

_Copyright, 1910 by Paul Elder and Company San Francisco_

CONTENTS

Page As to the Place 1 As to Settling Down 3 As to Dress 11 As to Dining 15 As to Lectures and Studies 18 As to College Organizations and Friends 26 As to Things in General 32

ILLUSTRATIONS

Opposite Helpful Don'ts, _Frontispiece_ Page The weather is generally the _only_ thing about a College Town not yet educated 2 Don't overdo the _decoration_ of your room 8 Don't dress too sporty 12 Don't monopolize the _conversation_ at the table 16 Don't fail to keep in mind the steps of _descent_ 24 Don't answer back if the Coach _speaks harshly_ to you 28 Don't pawn your watch during your first year 34

AS TO THE PLACE

[Sidenote: THE COLLEGE TOWN]

DON'T imagine that you _own_ the _College Town_ from the moment you strike it. Remember, there are prior claims, and you're not the _first_ squatter.

[Sidenote: ITS WEATHER]

_Don't_ expect the College Town to furnish you with good weather; because it won't. The weather is generally the _only_ thing about a College Town not yet educated. Of course, if you happen to have come from Lapland or Patagonia, and do not know what good weather is, the weather here _may_ suit you. The oldest inhabitants in a College Town live to be very old; this is to be accounted for by the fact that they are kept alive by their curiosity to see _what_ kind of weather is going to develop next.

[Sidenote: THE COLLEGE SIGHTS]

_Don't_ forget that sight-seeing relatives and others coming on a visit to the College, _must_ see the Library, the Gymnasium, the Dining Hall, and the Athletic Field. These, and the Campus, are generally all the sights there are. It is well to get this list carefully in mind _early_, as it saves you from a panic at the last minute. You often think that you will explore the place and get something _new_ to show people; but this you never do. The above list is a fairly accurate one, and it suffices. Those whom you are guiding about always pretend they are _dreadfully_ interested and excited about every thing in turn. On your first trip as official guide, you yourself see a great deal; on your fiftieth, you try _not_ to.

[Illustration: THE WEATHER IS GENERALLY THE _ONLY_ THING ABOUT A COLLEGE TOWN NOT YET EDUCATED]

AS TO SETTLING DOWN

[Sidenote: YOUR ARRIVAL]

DON'T think that your _mere arrival_ at College has made you able to _relieve Atlas_ in holding up the World. The World's idea of you at this point is, that you're something like a gold-fish just let loose in a glass globe. It _will begin to expect_ something of you when you're dumped into the big Ocean.

[Sidenote: YOUR RESIDENCE]

_Don't_, if you can possibly side-step it, begin to live in a place which you do not like. The _Blue-Willies_ may lurk in the corners. Many a _Freshman_ changes his residence about the _mid-year_, because he has not made a careful selection at first. The moving often entails cracked wash-bowls, broken pictures and casts, stifled oaths, and a sense of _great unrest_ not appropriate to the season.

[Sidenote: YOUR LANDLADY]

_Don't_ treat your _Landlady_ shabbily if you happen to live in a private house. Some Landladies are the best souls in the world. All of them are proud and _descended from the best early families_ (you have only to take _their_ word for this). Though they are often inquisitive, their inquisitiveness often comes from their genuine interest in you. Sometimes, _the more they know_ of your family history, _the less they will charge_ you for oil and gas, at the end of the month.

[Sidenote: HER RIGHTS]

_Don't_ begin _too_ early in the term to make your Landlady's house a _noisy abode_. She may get impatient and do something hasty, such as even demanding your key, payment and evacuation. In _such_ an event you see the full meaning of her appellation. Whereas, before you may have thought that the word "land" in her title meant to _catch_, as to _land a fish_, you now see that it is primarily derived from her ability _to come down hard_ on a special occasion.

[Sidenote: THE DUSTING LADY]

_Don't_ be discouraged if you can't find anything in the right place after the _dusting lady_ has put things in order. It's a _way they have_.

[Sidenote: YOUR ROOM]

_Don't_ neglect taste in your room. How do you know but that somebody may judge you by the way you decorate your study? Presumably, you were not _raised in a barn_, and there can be no _harm_ in letting the appearance of your room bear out this as fact.

[Sidenote: FITTING IT UP]

_Don't_ try to make a _royal residence_ of your room. Your taste may alter. A College man's taste often undergoes rapid and violent revolution _for the better_, within the first year.

[Sidenote: A WORD ABOUT RUGS]

_Don't_ think that you must have Turkish rugs. _Generally_, a _Freshman_ cannot tell the real article when he sees it. The man at the sale may try to make you believe they'll never wear out. Never mind. You have only to _get_ them to know what he means. Just get some old, reliable patterns. There is a secret connected with this. The older and dirtier they get, the more _Oriental_ they look. You've no idea how much sweeping this saves.

[Sidenote: ABOUT BRIC-A-BRAC]

_Don't_ go in for a lot of fine china, the first term. How can _you_ tell but that your neighbors or visitors may not care as much for that sort of thing as you? Remember, that in a room where costly china lies about in profusion, a "rough-house" may be a more expensive variety of entertainment than Grand Opera _with seats for the family_.

[Sidenote: ABOUT DECORATIONS]

_Don't_ get angry if a Senior comes into your room and looks about and smiles. Probably, he's only remembering that _he_ once decorated his room the way you now do yours. Just _keep your eyes open_ when you go into older fellows' rooms. You'll soon learn that two crossed college flags, a vile plaster copy of the Venus de Milo, and a copy of the Barye Lion as _sole_ decorations may be lived down,--or later _pulled down_. If you wish to be _exceptionally_ original, don't go in for either the flags or the casts. Yet, in following years, these things may become good old friends to remind you that _you_ were _once_ a Freshman.

[Sidenote: ABOUT FURNITURE]

_Don't_ overdo with respect to _furniture_, even if you can afford it; it _may_ make some of your visitors uncomfortable. If you _can't_ afford it, you'll be made uncomfortable yourself.

[Sidenote: THE COLLEGE COLOR]

_Don't_ mistake the _color_ of your College. A good many Freshmen do this;--it is especially pathetic, by the way, to see a Freshman waving a flag which is _off-color_ at a big game. Sometimes the mistake is attributed to color-blindness. This is a charitable interpretation.

[Sidenote: ABOUT THAT STUDY-DESK]

_Don't_ buy a roll-top desk or an iron safe during your first year. You know, you may not care to occupy one room _all through College_. We heard of one house having to be torn down, that a Freshman might move out with his roll-top desk. Not only this, but when he failed to find another place, a house had to be built up around his cumbersome furniture. It was a case of this or his _rooming in the desk_.

[Illustration: DONT OVERDO THE _DECORATION_ OF YOUR ROOM]

[Sidenote: GETTING ON]

_Don't_ think that you have fairly _got on_ to things while the tray of your trunk is still _unpacked_.

[Sidenote: TAKING A HAZING]

_Don't_ look too sober if hazing happens to be in vogue, and the Sophomores order you about. Remember that you can make the affair either a _funeral_ or a _farce_; and it's pleasanter to be the leading man in a farce than to be the principal at a funeral. The best way to get along with Sophomores is to take them good-naturedly. Don't be nauseatingly saccharine, for that's _just_ about as bad as getting mad about it. Just fool them into thinking you're _enjoying_ yourself, and they'll stop.

[Sidenote: A TRICK ABOUT RECEIVING VISITORS]

_Don't_ neglect to _receive_ your _visitors_ as if you were glad to see them. This is not encouraging hypocrisy, inasmuch as the recommendation _need not include_ the laundryman or the tailor's collector. You couldn't fool _them_, anyway. It is not polite, when visitors come, always to be found with a green shade over your eyes. When a visitor calls, look as if you had just been waiting for some one to talk to. If you improve your time _between_ visitors, they ought not to cause you to waste any valuable time.

[Sidenote: MUSICAL TEMPERANCE]

_Don't_ play the piano at all hours. Have a regular time for practice; then your neighbors may _protect_ themselves. If you play the violin or the trumpet, _don't overdo it_; you are tempting Fate.

[Sidenote: THE PROCTOR]

_Don't_ incur the anger of your Proctor by noisy conduct or disrespect. Proctors--especially young ones--are apt to feel their oats and to report you on slight provocation. But a friendly Proctor is a friend worth having.

AS TO DRESS

[Sidenote: VARSITY AND PREP-SCHOOL FASHIONS]

DON'T wear your Prep-school hat-band, or flash your High-school Fraternity pin upon your almost manly chest. These are stock idiosyncrasies of the _Freshman_. Just remember that _School_ fashions do _not_ prevail at _College_.

[Sidenote: THE "SPORTY" DRESSER]

_Don't_ dress too "sporty," during the first term. The effects you try to imitate at _this_ period of the game are apt to be only the superficial and amusing ones.

[Sidenote: A SHORT WORD ABOUT LONG HAIR]

_Don't_ wear _long_ hair. Hair, if left to grow as it listeth, may attain to a surprising length within a single season. The Freshman year is _not_ the time to test the accuracy of this statement. Wait till you are a Sophomore; then you won't care to. Remember that long hair is the _Poet's_ privilege (though _not_ always _proof_ of a Poet). To wear long hair, you had better take out a Poet's license. In this respect a _dog-license_ will do if you fail to qualify as Poet.

[Sidenote: WHISKERS AND SUCH]

_Don't_ feel it _incumbent_ upon you to wear a _beard_ or a _moustache_, if you happen to have raised one on the farm or in England, during the summer. Whiskers are the _plus sign_ of _masculinity_. Upper-classmen do not appreciate them in Freshmen.

[Sidenote: ABOUT THOSE SPARKLERS]

_Don't_ wear too much _jewelry_; as an _over-amount_ of it suggests trips to places where they _loan money_.

[Sidenote: HORSY ORNAMENTS]

_Don't_ affect stick-pins bearing large horses' heads or horseshoes, thinking these will demonstrate that you _keep a gig_. The horsy ornament connotes the coachman's white tie and the odor of the _stable_.

[Illustration: DONT DRESS TOO SPORTY]

[Sidenote: THAT CANE]

_Don't_ carry a _cane_ in your Freshman year; something is _very_ likely to happen to it.

[Sidenote: THAT TALL HAT]

_Don't_ be found displaying a _tall hat_. A tall hat is a mighty nice thing for Sister's wedding _at home_; but better _leave_ it there. Its dignity is liable to fade, like the glory that was Greece and the grandeur that was Rome. It was only because those nations got _too chesty_, you remember, that the Vandals of old worried them.

[Sidenote: CRAZY MEN--CRAZY CLOTHES]

_Don't_ think that crazy or odd clothes are necessarily "College" clothes. Lots of College men _do_ wear crazy clothes; but it isn't so much because they're College men, as because they're _crazy_.

[Sidenote: SANE DRESS]

_Don't_ forget to dress neatly and up to your means. You owe it to yourself to dress as _well_ as you can. I don't mean that owing this to _yourself_ should necessitate your continually owing something to your _tailor_. You do not _owe_ it to yourself to _owe anybody_.

AS TO DINING

[Sidenote: YOUR DINING PLACE]

DON'T begin by resorting habitually to the Quick Lunch. Nobody ever made _friends_ at a Quick Lunch, except with the waitresses. Select a good place where there are lots of fellows whom you will see continually. You ought to pick out some good friends from among them.

[Sidenote: YOUR TABLE]

_Don't_ attempt, in a large dining hall, to get a place at a society, club, or athletic table for which you have _not yet qualified_. You are liable to _queer yourself_ from the start.

[Sidenote: TABLE TALK]

_Don't_ try continually to air the sum of _knowledge_ which you are just assimilating. There are _few_ things more pathetic than the first-year chemist who keeps asking you at table to "pass the NaCl," or the fledgling psychologist who would try to prove that bread-and-butter is matter for _the mind_ and not for _the stomach_.

[Sidenote: LOCAL EGOTISM]

_Don't_ keep telling how they do things in that part of the country which _you_ come from. The assumption is, that since you came to College, you are willing to _learn something_ of how they do things here.

[Sidenote: LISTENING TO OTHERS]

_Don't monopolize the conversation_ at the table, especially if there are older men around. You'll get yourself snubbed if you talk _too_ much about _yourself_. Fellows don't care much whether your grandfather kept a brake and ten horses, or drove a "shay" over the _plank-road_. Be a good listener. Then, too, older men _like_ to be listened to. The chances are you will learn a _sight_ more by hearing them than they will by hearing _you_.

[Illustration: DONT MONOPOLIZE THE _CONVERSATION_ AT THE TABLE]

[Sidenote: KNOCKING THE GRUB]

_Don't_ continually _find fault_ with the things you have to eat. Act as if you were used _to eating away from home_. Half the time the jokes you make at the expense of the food come merely from an uncontrollable desire to air your wit. "Knocking the grub" doesn't require _half_ so much brains or individuality as _shutting up_ about it.

AS TO LECTURES AND STUDIES

[Sidenote: ATTENDANCE AT LECTURES]

DON'T forget to attend a _large per cent._ of your lectures. The information dispensed in lectures is _often_ to be found _invaluable_ in passing the Examinations.

[Sidenote: CHOOSING COURSES]

_Don't_ let yourself be mesmerized into taking a lot of things you feel a positive _disinclination_ for. Many a Freshman has spoiled his first year in this way; and, failing to pass, has left _College_ and become a street-car conductor or a clerk.

[Sidenote: "SNAP" COURSES]

_Don't_ mistake the willingness to accept a "snap" course for a _startling aptitude_ for a subject.

[Sidenote: ELECTIVE SYSTEM]

_Don't_ abuse the _Elective System_ if you are privileged to be at a College where it is employed. It is a system which presupposes your own _interest_ in your _intellectual welfare_. It is too easy to fill up with a lot of unrelated subjects. You may say, "But I desire a broad education." Very good. Did you ever go to a circus? There the prettiest feats are performed upon the broad, spacious back of _one_ horse. The rider gets the broadest-backed critter he can find that will keep moving. Those who ride two and three horses _take a risk_. In College you may find that when you try to do the _intellectual split_, you're liable to _fall down between_ your horses.

[Sidenote: ABOUT MEETING PROFESSORS]

_Don't_ neglect any honest opportunities you may have to make friends with an Instructor or a Professor. Meeting Teachers represents a privilege and _not always_ necessarily a pull. As for knowing Professors intimately, few do, except other Professors. As for their knowing _us_ intimately, it might seem as if this seldom happens, until it comes time to expel us.

[Sidenote: MALINGERING]

_Don't_ try to fool the College Doctor into believing that you can't go to lectures, or are going to die, because you've sprained your left thumb. Generally, the College Doctor is a shrewd man, or he would _not_ be the College Doctor.

[Sidenote: ABOUT REQUIRED READING]

_Don't_ fail to make a list of the _required reading_ in any course. And do _some_ of it--say, a little more than will enable you merely to pass the Exam. It is barely possible that the reading you have done in connection with your College courses will some day prove you an _educated man_. As for doing _all_ the reading that _all_ the Professors require--well, a fellow _must_ sleep and eat.

[Sidenote: WORKING FOR EXAMS]

_Don't_ think that _Exams_ can be passed without any preparation. It takes _some_. The _minimum_ has not yet been determined; nor has the _maximum_. The _middlemum_ has even been known to vary, according as the instructor imagines that the crowd _is_ or _is not_ taking the course as a snap. The _little birdies_ are _surely_ in league with the Faculty.

[Sidenote: INTELLECTUAL NARCOTICS]

_Don't_ rely upon _special tutors_ to pass all your courses. It's lazy and not entirely self-respecting. When our friend Gulliver went to Laputa, he met certain Teachers who gave their pupils small intellectual wafers. These they swallowed upon _empty stomachs_. As the wafers digested, the tincture mounted to the pupil's brain, bearing the proposition along with it. The same system of cramming exists today; only it _doesn't always work as advertised_. A fellow resorts to special tutors when he has lost confidence, and needs an _intellectual narcotic_. Special tutors represent the drug-capsule of learning. _Why_ be a _dope-fiend_?

[Sidenote: IN THE EXAMS]

_Don't_ try in your _Exams_ to make a hit by writing long papers. The _Exam_ is _not_ an endurance contest. Somehow, long papers don't take, unless there is _some sense_ in everything you have written. If you don't believe this, _try it and find out_.

[Sidenote: PREDIGESTED INFORMATION]

_Don't_ rely wholly upon _typewritten notes_ to get through your courses. Many College Professors show no quarter to those whom they ascertain to be addicted to this predigested form of information. Often the Professor's life-specialty is the tracing of literary works to their _sources_; so be careful. Better take notes in lectures; if this serve no other purpose, 'twill keep you _awake_.

[Sidenote: PUTTING OFF WORK]

_Don't_ put off that long piece of _written work_ till the night before it is due. A piece of work about which you have been warned months beforehand, can't be done between 8 p.m. and 3 a.m. Here "_rush orders_," contrary to the rule, spoil. If you come up to the scratch as you should, in the matter of long pieces of written work, the Instructor will almost forget how _dog-goned lazy_ you have been all along in the little things.

[Sidenote: IDLING]

_Don't idle_ away time to such an extent that you get a reputation as an idler, either among your friends, or with the members of the Faculty. You'll find such a reputation hard to _live down_. Notwithstanding the fact that everybody is _supposed_ to come by a love of Learning in College, there are some things which the Faculty will _not_ take for granted. With the Faculty, the chronic idler will find that his name is _anathema_, or _Dennis_ at least.

[Sidenote: THE DESCENT TO AVERNUS]

_Don't_ fail to keep in mind the flight of steps which represents the _descent_ from the plane of regular work. It goes something like this: _work_, _slack work_, _probation_, _special probation_, then, "I am sorry to inform you that the Faculty has decided that you are no longer needed to ornament the College," etc. After which, it is the greased-slide, _down and out_, so to speak. In other words, you are about to feel the thrill of Academic life along your keel for the last time. _Facilis descensus Averni_: Avernus being the cold, cold world, and the bother of having to explain to one's relations and friends in the home town _how it all happened_.

[Illustration: DONT FAIL TO KEEP IN MIND THE STEPS OF _DESCENT_]

[Sidenote: THE COLLEGE OFFICE]

_Don't_ show disrespect or contempt for the _College Dean_, or for the retinue within his gates. Once you "queer" yourself with the _College Office_, you are on dangerous footing, and the _College Degree_ you seek is no longer seen to be "constant as the _northern star_." Keep the Degree in mind; _hitch your wagon_ to it. But don't get _too_ ambitious in the way of Degrees. We once heard of a fellow who was called up and given the _Third Degree_ by the Faculty, without ever being graduated.

AS TO COLLEGE ORGANIZATIONS AND FRIENDS

[Sidenote: TRYING FOR THINGS]

DON'T hesitate to go out for _any teams_ or _papers_ or _musical clubs_ which you think you'd like to make. The mere _trying for things_ shows you're not a _dead one_. If you are good enough, you'll find these things mean more than you ever had thought they could; if you fail to make them, you'll never regret having tried. As you grow older, you will see that you _never_ could have done certain things you thought you could, and you'll have a first-rate opinion of your former self and your ambition.

[Sidenote: SORTING OUT YOUR INTERESTS]

_Don't_ be surprised or disappointed, if you find you have neither time nor inclination to keep up with everything you thought you would, when first coming to College. Your interests naturally needed a _sorting out_.

[Sidenote: ONE WAY _NOT_ TO MAKE A TEAM]

_Don't_ think that offering suggestions to an athletic _Coach_ is the way to _make a team_. And don't answer back if the _Coach_ speaks harshly to you; be thankful for _any_ of his attention, even if it be gruff. With some Coaches, swearing is more than a liberal art; many think that the oftener they send their men to _Hell_ during practice, the surer they are of sending them to _Victory_ in the contest.

[Sidenote: ABOUT SOCIAL CLUBS]

_Don't_, for Heaven's sake, ask people how one ought to go about getting into _Social clubs_. It isn't considered polite. Just _why_, I can't tell you; but you'll _learn why_, some day, if you are the _right sort_.

[Sidenote: ACQUAINTANCES AND FRIENDS]

_Don't_ hesitate to accept all chances for _making friends_, especially among your Class. Don't think that you can always control the making of friends; you _can't_. Friends are _Heaven-sent_. Hold the ones you make, and count yourself lucky if you make half a dozen _very_ good friends your first year. There is a difference between _acquaintances_ and _friends_, by the way, just as there is a difference between fellows to whom you'd casually offer a cigarette and those to whom you'd gladly offer your pocket-book.

[Sidenote: USELESS PREJUDICE]

_Don't_ rely too much on _prejudice_ in deciding what certain fellows may or may not be good for. You _may or may not_ be right. _Your_ standard may or may not be the only small stone on the seashore.

[Illustration: DONT ANSWER BACK IF THE COACH _SPEAKS HARSHLY_ TO YOU]

[Sidenote: ABOUT VISITING]

_Don't_ invite everybody you meet to your room. It doesn't pay. But make a point of _accepting_ as many invitations as possible which come from men you like. Visit any upper-classman who takes the trouble to offer you his hospitality. It may help you to _get on_, later.

[Sidenote: THAT HAND-SHAKE]

_Don't_ shake hands like a clam. The _flipper-shake_ is not popular, and may make you distrusted. You'll need a good _hand-shake_ all through College.

[Sidenote: THE WOMAN QUESTION: THE QUESTIONABLE]

_Don't_ be one of those who continually pick up anything on the street that wears a bonnet and high heels. There are lots of girls who are willing, at any time, to be seen with a College man. _The varieties differ_. Some are genuinely pretty; others wear the deliberate as distinguished from the natural complexion, being perhaps not so well preserved as carefully preserved. Maybe you think it is great fun to take a partner into the small hotel dining-room with an "I-do-this-every-evening" kind of air. But you _may_ find out, after smoking your brandy and drinking your cigarettes, that it _isn't_ pleasant to be played for a "_good thing_."

[Sidenote: THE UNQUESTIONABLE]

_Don't_, however, neglect any opportunity to meet ladies of your own station. You are _sure_ to require their society from time to time. The Monastic life is not profitable for a man at College. The _purr of pretty women_ and the occasional exchange of _amicable nothings_ will preserve your social soul and keep the little _blood-pumping organ_ in good condition.

[Sidenote: THE ART OF SHUTTING UP]

_Don't_ hesitate to hear other people's opinions. The World did not begin, nor will it end, with _you_.

[Sidenote: WHERE SUCCESS FAILS]

_Don't strut_ or _look patronizing_, if you happen to have success; it makes people feel sorry for you.

[Sidenote: THE LITTLE THINGS]

_Don't_ forget the _little_ things; fellows notice them. Some will even judge you by the way you give or receive a match or cigarette.

[Sidenote: SUMMING UP THE CLUB PROBLEM]

_Don't_ imagine that your entire success in College will be finally measured by the number of Clubs you make during your first year. Always remember, that it is the standing of the ones you identify yourself with which counts. Don't join _any_ final Club or Society until you _feel pretty sure_ you could not do _better_.

AS TO THINGS IN GENERAL

[Sidenote: SAVING AND WASTING]

DON'T expect to lay up a bank account by what you save from living inside your allowance. There are lots of unexpected things coming up which cost money. Only be careful and choose the things that seem necessary. You can't _save_ much money; but you don't have to _waste_ a cent to live and be a gentleman.

[Sidenote: WRITING HOME]

_Don't_ forget to _write home_ once every so often. Mama and Papa are always glad to see the College-town postmark; and, like as not, Papa is paying your way through College. Think how you'd feel, if he forgot, sometimes, to send that _check_!

[Sidenote: WHEN FATHER COMES TO TOWN]

_Don't_ treat _Father_ or _Uncle John_ shabbily if one of them happens in town unexpectedly. Maybe _you'll_ have a son or a nephew in the old place one day; and then _you'll_ like to take a run out, once in a while, and see how things are getting on.

[Sidenote: SHOWING OFF AT HOME]

_Don't_ swagger when you go _home_ for your first Thanksgiving or Christmas vacation. It doesn't make your friends envious of you. It's apt to make them _sore_.

[Sidenote: RUNNING BILLS]

_Don't_ think that because you can charge things at almost any store in the College Town, it is your duty to have your name on the books of _every_ firm. You don't need to back _every_ enterprise; besides, most every firm has a habit of rendering monthly bills, and a few of these make even a _fair allowance_ look washed out and _faded_.

[Sidenote: THAT AUTOMOBILE]

_Don't_ think that it is your Father's duty to present you with an _automobile_. In Father's day, it was _possible_ for a boy to go through College without one of these things. Remember that it cost a few pence to repair them and run them;--or rather run them and then repair them; and Father's twenty years in business have taught him a _few_ things. Many a father would as soon buy his son an auto, but is not willing to _endow_ one.

[Sidenote: ABOUT PAWNING YOUR WATCH]

_Don't_ pawn your watch or sleeve-links during your first year. This privilege is limited to upper-classmen who do Society. A pawn-ticket is a _very_ compromising thing if found by some of your close relatives. You don't know what it is? It is a thin slip of paper somewhat resembling a check; only it weighs _more heavily on the mind_. No matter _how_ funny a story you make at home of pawning your Grandfather's watch, the heads of the family _never_ see the joke. When you rake in the price of exchange for your pawned watch, it seems just like _finding_ money, _but_ when you pay it back out of a slim allowance at the end of the month, it seems like _losing_ the same amount, _plus_.

[Illustration: DONT PAWN YOUR WATCH DURING YOUR FIRST YEAR]

[Sidenote: GETTING HOOKED ON]

_Don't_ buy _cigars_ in _wholesale_ quantities from mysterious-looking foreigners, who say they have just done a neat little job of smuggling from Havana, and are willing to let you in on a _good_ thing. They may even flatter you by telling you that _you_ look trustworthy. They really mean that you look easy. It's _your_ move.

[Sidenote: BEGGARS]

_Don't_ give money to able-bodied beggars. Some may even speak good French or German. If you happen to be taking French or German, you will imagine that _you_ are the _only_ one in the world who can help them. But don't yield. As for crippled or blind and deaf beggars, help them now and then. You don't have to listen to their reminiscences of _Life in a Saw-mill_ to do this, unless you care for that sort of thing.

[Sidenote: QUESTIONS OF CONSCIENCE--YOUR OWN BUSINESS]

_Don't_ kill your _conscience_ in regard to matters which you have been brought up to see in certain definite lights. If you think playing cards for money and the drinking of beer wrong, then _don't_ play and _don't_ indulge. You'll never be thought less of in College for hanging on to principle. Just be sure that your principles are _worth_ sticking up for, and then _stick_. A wise old Englishman puts it this way: "Obey your conscience; but just be _sure_ that your conscience is not that of an _ass_."

[Illustration: THE 52 PASTEBOARDS]

_Don't_ get into the _little game_ too often. Under certain conditions it's as easy as rolling off the decalogue. Sometimes you get in because you're afraid others will think you are afraid to play. This is really not courage. A word more: when you're in, often the time when you _think_ you can't afford to stop is just the time when you _can_ best afford it. Take this advice; it is better than that of _R. E. Morse_.

[Sidenote: SPENDING MONEY]

_Don't_ keep _spending money_ for a lot of things that you would hardly care to itemize in the account you send to Father. Remember how he said, "I'll keep you decently, only I don't want College to make only a sport of my boy." Sometimes, when you are pressed, you think of asking Father to lend you money to be _paid back_ with interest, when you get _older_. Don't be surprised if he refuses and asks, "_Where's_ your collateral?" Remember that the Business World, hunting about for something to which to attach its respect and admiration, does _not_ single out the _Undergraduate_ in _College_.

[Sidenote: EARNING MONEY]

_Don't_ be ashamed of chances to _earn money_ in College, if you need it. More fellows earn their way through College than you have any idea of. College men have _lots_ of respect for a fellow who isn't ashamed to _work_.

[Sidenote: THE DEAD GAME ACT]

_Don't_ be a Sport or a Snob. Either is fatal. The _dead game act_ plays itself out sooner than those who work it suppose, and serves oftener to _point a weakness_ than _adorn a virtue_.

[Sidenote: IMITATING]

_Don't imitate_ the manner of some one else. When you try to be _like some one else_, you only succeed in being _unlike yourself_. People don't expect or want you to be like them.

[Sidenote: THE FANCY INCOME POSE]

_Don't_ pretend that you have a _fancy income_, if you haven't. It's a cheap, expensive pose. Lots of fellows get money regularly from home. All they have to do, it would seem, is to rip open letters and sign their names on the back of what falls out. If you _aren't_ in this class, don't _pretend_ you are. It isn't _how much_ money you've got, but _how you make what you've got do_, that shows you up a good one.

[Sidenote: THAT BANK ACCOUNT]

_Don't_ fail to keep one eye on that _bank account_. It _slowly_ and _surely_ dwindles. It needs watching especially, about the time the elms put on their new leaves, and the undergraduates their new flannel trousers. To end the year with an over-drawn bank account is risky. No fellow can afford to have his _credit_ go _below_ par.

[Sidenote: EXERCISE]

_Don't_ neglect the _health_ habit. Substitute the tennis racquet for the cigarette, one of these days, and note the _difference_. It may make you feel like a _King_ in the _pink_ of condition; after which you'll probably try it again, which won't hurt you a bit.

[Sidenote: JOKES]

_Don't_ repeat _all_ the _jokes_ that come into your head. Avoid especially jokes that may be old. Many a fellow's popularity may hinge on the fact that he'll _listen_ to a funny story without insisting on telling another that isn't _quite_ so funny.

[Sidenote: SHOWING OFF]

_Don't_, if you are from a large well-to-do Preparatory School, talk too much about it, or think that the College must be run on the _same plan_ as your school. Your views may not be _appreciated_.

[Sidenote: SWAGGERING]

_Don't_ aspire to be taken for an upper-classman by cultivating a walk or a _swagger_ or an _air_. You can work this _so_ hard, that finally you are the only one deceived.

[Sidenote: ROWDYISM]

_Don't_ be rowdyish, or _get the reputation_ of being a drunken fellow. The _real_ fun you get out of _College_ need not be a continual round of batting.

[Sidenote: ABOUT BEING SNUBBED]

_Don't_ think it is always entirely the _other_ man's fault if he fails to speak to you. If you have not the ability to make an impression worth another's remembering, _look to yourself_.

[Sidenote: COLLEGE HABITS]

_Don't_ be a _fool_. This is the sum and the substance of all that herein precedes. A fellow shows himself a fool or not a fool by his _habits_. _College habits_ are funny things. The sooner you form your College habits the _better_,--or _worse_. To put off the sensible resolve till the time of your last exam may be as useless as the call of the _doctor_ after the _minister_ has left.

[Sidenote: ABOUT BEING THE ASS]

_Don't_ imagine for a moment that coming to _College_ enables you to act in a superior way to others who have not enjoyed the same privilege. A _College_ career is a grand, good thing; but its _object_ is to enable you, if possible, better to _understand_ the World, not to _lift_ you at all above it. The World hates a fool; but a _College-bred fool_, it thoroughly despises. Don't let your ears grow long, and don't bray.

[Sidenote: ABOUT BEING A GENTLEMAN]

_Don't_ imagine that the _College Catalogue_, or even _this book_, can tell you _all_ the things you need to know concerning how to make a man of yourself. After all, its really _up to you_. Look about, and be a gentleman. You say, "But these few remarks hardly _begin_ to solve the problem." And echo answers, "_VERBUM SAP_."

HERE ENDS THE COLLEGE FRESHMAN'S DON'T BOOK BY G. F. E. (A. B.) A SYMPATHIZER. DECORATIONS AND INITIALS BY RAYMOND CARTER ILLUSTRATIONS BY CHARLES FRANK INGERSON PUBLISHED BY PAUL ELDER & COMPANY AND PRINTED FOR THEM BY THE TOMOYE PRESS UNDER THE DIRECTION OF J. H. NASH IN THE CITY OF SAN FRANCISCO DURING THE MONTH OF MAY AND YEAR NINETEEN HUNDRED & TEN

* * * * *

Transcriber's Notes:

All of the illustration captions omit the apostrophe in the word "DON'T." This was retained. All other punctuation was corrected if wrong.

Page 9, "you" changed to "your" (your trunk is still)

Page 19, repeated word "to" deleted from text. Original read (liable to _to fall down..._)

Page 29, "varities" changed to "varieties" (The varieties differ)